who wants to be rich...

its time. the time ive been dreading. my job program, aka, my piggy bank, has finally come to an end. i was expecting it to run through until october, and one month ago, i got the awful truth that it would be ending as of August 2nd. Thats tomorrow. it forced me to change all of my carefully thought out planning, and sort of, downsize it, if i can say that. it also helped to slowly murder that ever-searched, almost-found motivation that i so grudgingly spoke about in a previous blog. One Month: to find get out my life on paper to employers, eagerly await their returned phone calls, or courageously call them back myself, make a little detour in Newmarket for my mothers 50th birthday and 25th wedding anniversary, get my methadone take home doses regulated and in order, and then by August 2nd, walk through the glorious golden doors of my new place of employment. Unfortuneatly, my 'downsized' plan didnt work out as, well, planned. i did pass out those beautifully typed up CVs, and i did call back those employers that i expected would just LOVE me. Actually, i even had an AMAZING time visiting my family in Newmarket, and spending the day of my mothers birth in complete happiness and pride was overwhelming. FUCK, Relais Methadone didnt even screw things up, and i was granted FOUR take home doses of the bitter shit mixed with Tang. I came back on Monday, and well, Ive accepted that tomorrow, i will not be walking through those golden doors, with money hiding behind every corner. i didnt get a job. i didnt even come close to getting a job.
NOW, my reality check. although finding a job remains useless at the moment, i do know that ive got other options. some better than others, and again, only temporary.
OPTION ONE:
get back to being piss ass poor and revisit my life on the streets.
actually, i dont really consider this an option, i just threw this out there for those who like to be let down, before theyre brought up again. aha.
OPTION TWO:
get myself on a welfare program and live off of 550 dollars a month. this would be a tight situation, considering my rent is 450$ and i do have a darling little doggy to support fully. including the little part about taking care of Myself. although i can handle sitting and collecting a check for maybe a month or two until i figure out something better, i still dont really like the idea about how EASY it is to get stuck sitting on my ass and collecting a check. but this will only bring me a step back, rather than forward.
OPTION THREE:
emploi quebec. they have this great program. they fund the person to attend french school, and they also include a monthly allowance of 900$. that amount of money is very appealing, but its not the only reason i am considering this option more than the other two. in the end, im a person that is very happy waking in the morning, and having a job to go to during the day, and then coming home in the evening and relaxing with my favourite pooch on my lap in front of the TV or with a book.
Knowing full well that option three is my only real 'optional' option (aha), ive got to start working toward that. thats why im at my job program today, trying to wrap up the final details with my worker, and well, to collect that last bit of money that they feel i deserve for participating with them for nine months.
whatever happens, ill be sure to stay updated.
for now, im gunna go walk through the olive green painted hallway towards isabelles office, and see what pot of gold i can find there.