Big Schwartz

Big Schwartz. 10-2004 ‘Monologue’

Another leaf falling, another year. The friendly nurse, the one who speaks German, told me that I have been here twelve years. I remember the small village in East Prussia where I was born in 1922. I did not do too well in school. I was always behind in class and the other boys teased me, calling me stupid. When I started becoming a man, at thirteen, they stopped teasing me, because at 6’ 3� I was bigger than the biggest of them, and a lot stronger. They put me to work in the fields at 14. By the time I was sixteen, I was doing three man’s jobs. I was 6’6�, 270 lbs, and could work hard for sixteen hours consecutive days during harvest. The farmer was very happy with me, and fed me well. When the war started, soldiers came to the farm and wanted to ship me to a� rehabilitation camp�. The farmer told them that I was needed for working the farm and they said:’ we can wait till after the war’. I wanted to go but am glad now, I didn’t go since my friendly nurse told me years later, that there were no such camps, and that they were killing people like me, who were not very smart.
More leaves falling. Winter shall come soon; it is cold here in Canada. It is not good to be outside at this time of the year. I remember when I first came in 1951. In Germany, they told me, that there would be plenty to eat in Canada. My weight was down to 220 lbs. I was skin and bones, and they said they needed people like me, who knew how to farm. I went to this camp, where they fed me well, then they put me on a train, and we boarded a big boat with a lot of different people from many countries. The people in charge spoke English. I understood almost nothing but a few words, which were similar. In the middle of the ocean, we ran into a storm. Everyone was sick. I ate their share of the food, and cleaned up after everyone. The captain told a translator that I was a born sailor. I told him, I only knew how to work on a farm. He laughed. That night they gave me beer. It was not as good as the beer in Germany, but it was the first beer that I had had in eight years. I was going to like Canada. I arrived in Montreal, and after giving me some money, for the work I had done, they gave me an address of a place, for the next day, where someone would find me work on a farm. Also, an address where I could spend the night. They gave me directions on how to get there. On the way, I saw this place where they served beer. I had money, so went inside, and asked for a glass. The price was on the door. I put a nickel on the bar counter. The bartender said something in English that sounded like ‘Krauts’. He must have misunderstood what I asked. I did not want to eat sauerkrauts. I repeated, beer. Pushed my nickel towards him. He threw my nickel on the floor, when I bent down to pick it up, someone pushed me. I pushed him back. Six, seven people started beating me. I fought back. Finally men in uniform came. The police. I was glad to see them, because I was full of bruises, and cuts from bottles. I had done well in the fight, I saw at least six people on the floor groaning. But there were too many left, and I was starting to fear for my life. I went towards their sergeant, and asked him to protect me. He said something like, “Fucking Krauts�, and proceeded to beat me with a stick, his men joined him. When I finally lost consciousness I had a last thought, that I should have eaten the sauerkrauts, and avoid all this misunderstanding.
It has started to rain. The leaves and colors are broken by the wet streaks on my window. I had regained consciousness at the hospital, and eventually a clerk from the German consulate came, and told me that I was in big trouble. That I had assaulted Canadian citizens, and sent three policemen to the hospital. I told him it was a misunderstanding, caused because I did not want to eat sauerkrauts. He said that I was an idiot, and did not understand what was happening, but not to worry. He would go with me to court, and explain to the judge, that I was not responsible for my actions. He came with me to court and another interpreter asked me questions. Again, I told the truth, that it was a misunderstanding, caused by my not wanting to eat sauerkrauts. My friendly clerk raised his eyes towards heaven, and spoke at length to the judge, telling him I was not responsible because I was an idiot. They said I would not have to do eight years in jail, for assaulting policemen and other Canadian citizens, (like the prosecutor wanted), but that I would be sent to an institution, where they would make me better.
It has stopped raining and the wind is making the leaves dance. I was so full of hope. I thought the doctors had some miracle pill to make me smarter, and people would not call me names anymore, and I would avoid misunderstandings. They gave me pills, lots of pills. Some made me sleepy, some made my head hurt, some gave me a feeling like after drinking beer, the morning after. None made me smarter! For days, and months, and years, I sat on my armchair, waiting. They all had one thing in common. They all made me fatter. After reaching four hundred pounds the doctor said he could not weight me anymore, since his scale only went to three hundred and ninety-nine pounds. My ass had become so big, that week I got stuck in my armchair. Everyone was laughing at me. They had to cut the armchair in half to free me. I stopped taking their pills, and tried to escape, three months later. I knew there was only one man guarding the ward at night, and I had decided to grab the keys from him, open the door to the outside, and run as fast as I could, to the street that I saw from my window. That night it was the new nurse named John that came. I waited till he was well inside the dormitory, and snuck up behind him. He heard me, flashed the light up at my face. I smiled at him. He yelled:� Oh my God. Big Schwartz is loose.� Dove through my legs, and started running towards the office. I ran after him, but I wasn’t used to running anymore. I saw him through the glass window, he had already prepared a big 10cc needle and was yelling on the phone: “ Big Schwartz is loose, I need help�. I walked through the door, without opening it. Again, he dove through my legs, and started running towards the inside door. I ran after him. The door opened, and two other nurses came in. Two men. I tried to run away. One tackled me at the knees, while the other tackled me at the shoulders. While I was down, I felt an injection through my pants. I stopped fighting. I’ll never get better. I’ll never get out of here, and I wish I really had eaten, those damn sauerkrauts!
A leaf is visiting me at the window, blown there by the wind. I do not feel the wind anymore. They won’t allow me out, anymore. I should have stayed in Germany. I do not even know, now, if I could work on a farm. They do not give me as much food as they did before. They said it is bad for my heart. I do not understand! I am so unhappy!
Another leaf blown by the wind. I wish I was small enough to ride it, and fly away from here. Far, far away, riding the wind. Free!

Background.

This story has been pieced together from Big Schwartz’s arrest and other records at Verdun Protestant Hospital, Montreal. At the trial, the people that had attacked him, claimed, he had, out of the blue, gone berserk and attacked them first. In those days, it was traditional to beat up D.P.’s (Displaced Persons),especially those of Italian or German descent. (I can testify to the truth of that, having received my first beating, the first week of school, when I was nine years old). The fact that it took a dozen policemen to subdue him into unconsciousness made everyone edgy about that kind of power going �berserk�. Some of the pills he took were extremely powerful sedatives and others powerful sleeping pills. The dates may be off a few years. The events depicted of his big escape are factual, as I was the nurse who gave him the injection. Had not my fears being primed in advance by possible scenarios discussed at staff meetings; and of not knowing him, being new, and also having been startled by his sneaking up on me. I might have considered giving him the keys, then. Now, I would pay for his taxi to get him out of there and on to a farm where he belonged. After knowing him better. I realized that he was of gentle nature and the only way you could provoke him to a fight was to physically attack him and hurt him.

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