What Is Mine
What Is Mine
They want what they cannot have
They try using stealth, promises, and a myriad of lies
Some even try to obtain it through sheer brute force
But they cannot and will not have what is mine
His heart, his mind, his spirit, even his body and soul, belong only to me
Still they stubbornly try to gain entry, only to be cruely used or flatly denied
Leaving their passion and lust to remain all consuming, and never quenched
Yet, they search in vain for the slightest opening, the smallest foothold
I watch them play thier games, laughing at thier utter frustration
For I am vigilant, ready to enact upon them my judgement, and damnation
As I listen to thier words, I am ever aware as I read between the lines
They reveal thier intentions by their tone of voice, a movement of thier eyes
Still, they choose to chase after what will ever stay beyond thier reach
They seem unable to understand, and unwilling to learn
That once invoked, my venegance is a great and terrible force
For they shall never have what is mine.
by: D. Grant Renshaw
Kasper:
I read your intro.
I have one word for you--WRITE.
You don't need to quote someone else, your own story was eloquent.
Writers learn to write by writing. And they learn from speaking to other writers about what works in a piece, and what does not.
I have only one this to say...
90% of writing is in the editing. If you can write a quick bio so well I cannot imagine what you could do with time and energy.
You have no reason to believe me. However, over time I will be putting articles, stories etc. onto the blog here. If you believe I know what I am talking about because I DO write--then you will know what I say to you is true.
WRITE
Dear Kasper:
I can relate to how you feel. I too, was adopted and have spent most my life trying to get my head around the family theatre that we use to play. At 15, I phoned CAS and told them they were the ones to put me in that situation they should help to get me out. Their response was that I would need my parent's consent before they would remove me or I was on my own at 16. My father too, told me regularly that I was going to end up like my mother, to him I was a worthless whore. I now live with PTSD(Post tramatic Stress Disorder)Not as bad as Present Tramatic Stress disorder, I say. Professionals tell me I should get over it and salvage what I have left. I have nothing to salvage, but my soul. I say, How dare anyone not accept the responsiblity for selling me to the highest bidder and not notice all the signs (and my warnings) that I was going down. I can understand your anger and frustration. If you would ever like to chat. Ialso have some twist poetry to show from my experience.
I'm not going to get into the whole political hooferaw or social work yoho at this point because it's not relevent to your situation. Yet.
Never believe what you are told about your Birth Family. It may be true, it may be a partially true or it may all be blatent lies but there's for damn sure, more you need to know. And you will NEVER know, if you don't buck up your courage and LOOK.
And as far as I have ever been concerned, therapists are f*cking useless in this situation for the most part. The Native community has the best resources [or did] around this issue since they've lost a huge percentage of the community to Child Protection interference for political reasons. If the very "basis" [your genetic code] is secret to you--how can anyone expect to be "whole" without it?
You might have siblings who want to know you. You might have either parent looking for you. You might have aunties, uncles or cousins out there that look like you and want to know you. The world will not suddenly get more grand if you find them, but it might make more sense.
So don't assume that because you might feel worthless at points in your life that someone is NOT looking for you. They might be shy, embarrassed, scared, or believe they'll never find you. They have been lied to about YOU. They are likely to believe that a perfect couple of doctors adopted you and that you have a wonderful life that they don't dare interfere with because [likely being poor] they can't offer you the wonderful advantages they've believe you have--like a stable family, university education, a trust fund, etc.
My birth family are stark raving bonkers for the most part. And I am one of those people who loves my adoptive family too. However, as nutty as my birth family can be, I wouldn't have them any other way. I love THEM too. I went hunting for them. It was worth every moment I agonized over it. Truly.
I am "bi-familied". I use that term because *I* did not choose the adoption--therefore I cannot be an "adoptee"--adults in my families made the choices that created that situation in my life.
Something to wrap yer brain around when yer up to it...
____________________________
Ambassador G'Kar: There are things in the universe billions of years older than either of our races. They are vast, timeless, and if they are aware of us at all, it is as little more than ants, and we have as much chance of communicating with them as an ant has with us. We know. We've tried. And we've learned that we can either stay out from underfoot, or be stepped on.
Catherine Sakai: That's it? That's all you know?
Ambassador G'Kar: Yes. They are a mystery. And I am both terrified and reassured to know that there are still wonders in the universe, that we have not explained everything.