the sobering reality of choice

I cant help but feel overwhelmed, like when i was a child and would pile my plate sky high thinking that some how i would find room.
Tonight, there is no room. Just some vague emptiness that i cant quite explain. I do know that i hate being alone, i always have. I do however feel like im becoming less co-dependant.
It feels like everything is all about me which it never is, so maybe feeling this way is alright.
Searching for reasons to justify my feelings, why? Isnt it ok just to feel sometimes?
I mean my day was shitty, any day you spend more then 5 minutes dealing with the 'system' usually turns out shitty. Why do i let these people bother me so much? Is it the fact that impending doom hangs over society with these assholes in charge? Is it the fact that im sick of having to rely on something that i oppose to support me?
My house is messy and my baby is screaming. My bank account is empty and my credit is taking a turn for the worse. The weather is getting nice and im not going anywhere.
Dealing with choice in life is a slippery slope. I feel horrible for questioning the position ive chosen for myself. Married, kid, house, wife?
jesus
i really didnt ever think i would see myself here, i imagined myself dead in a gutter somewhere before this.
Its not a bad thing.
Its a different thing that i think im going to find different for the rest of my life.
You can take the kid off the street but you can never take the street out of the kid.
That is something i will never let go although it is also something that burns every year when everyone gets ready to leave, head out on some awesome journey that i know i can never be a part of again.
Maybe now i have a purpose, but it is the freedom that i miss.
I long for it.
The warm summer air, staring up at the blanket of stars from my sleeping bag in the middle of nowhere, knowing that i have nothing to live for but the day.
Instead i have some weird mold growing on my walls, diapers to change and bills to pay.
Maybe i sound like a whiny emo kid.
Maybe i sound frustrated
the truth is, the choices you make in life will effect you for...
the rest of your life
so choose well....