5 months and 40 pounds
its been five months passed and forty pounds gained since i began my ever so relaxing life on methadone. ive taken my dose every single day at the pharmacy since it began. i cant lie, ive used maybe a total of ten times since, but whats progress without a little relapse. although im definitly not running around, forcing my money into the pockets of dealers and scumbags, my money is definitly not being saved up in my little piggybank on the table. aside from dope, the next cheapest and accessible thing to put my money into is food. and, im not always talking 'good-for-you-healthy' food either. im talking about cookies. and chocolate covered cream pops. and containers of whipped cream. and toaster strudels. thats almost twenty bucks of 'edible dope' right there. sad thing is, i can easily finish every single item on that list in an evening. EASILY. now we're talking, six giant cookies at three dollars. thirty chocolate covered cream pops for seven dollars. the whipped topping is about four bucks. and the easily devourable toaster strudels, six in a pack at three dollars.
ive never been one to go crazy about my weight. yeah, yeah, it fluctuates up and down often, but i never worry, mainly because it ALWAYS goes back down. but lately, i just seem to be gaining and gaining. i pretend, and i complain to danielle and my doctors that the weight gain confuses me all to hell, but seriously, thirty fucking cream pops... no fucking wonder ive gained 40 POUNDS!!!
i went out last week and bought celery, cucumbers, carrots, lettuce, and a bunch of other 'healthy choice' snacking items. and yeah, ive been eating them too, as long as theyre covered in crunchy peanut butter. ive even lied, and convinced myself that im eating healthier. kris says shed rather use and be skinny, than be clean and get fat. shouldnt i be able to get clean AND stop from getting fat. i mean, come on. lucky im one tall chick, and 200lbs definitly doesnt look like it would on a shorter person. but, its still there, laughing at me, everytime i eat a toaster strudel.
i love toaster strudel. Congrats on getting on methadone and making it work-that is great. something to consider..maybe you are bored? sometimes when you take away the dope, and the business of maintaining and using, you can be left with a bit of a hole in your day. maybe you need to think about how to fill up that hole, without the strudel in hand. art, writting (which you are obviously very talented at) doing some form of exercise, take a class or teach yourself to knit or something (we have punk rock knitting circles here in van). balance will be restored, it is just going to take some time for your body and mind to adjust. good luck.
Just a word to say that I'm really glad that you quit heroïn...
For the rest, I can only agree with Janelle... Get in shape is really good
idea... Ha... the pleasure of jogging... the first two week are the hardest...
but after, you really enjoy it... The key is don't push yourself over your limits...
and work to extend your limits. Take the time to extend very well yourself before
and after your period of exercise to avoid injuries...
Congratulation and continue, you are on the good way...
Take care
Bruno
u r a miracle please don't ever 4get that!!!congrats on your new found journey.i totally agree with janelle,if i'm not thinking about improving my health i'm thinking about how i can sabotage it!!i don't mean to sound harsh but people have said to me "get BUSY living or get BUSY dying"addiction is addiction is addiction!!!keep reaching out it helps me to put it out there and be accountable because left to my own devices(my will)i'm hooped!!be kind to yourself,fight the good fight and never give up u r worth it!! love of peeps--spits
I had to read your post twice to understand what you are saying and... and... you left me with no words. What kind of life is that??? It's hard for me to imagine your living rhythm, where are you heading with this? Drugs are the worst thing that can happen to us all, you should do some reading about that. I think you should try
methadone detox and start doing things right.
as to gordman´s comment... methadone detox might work for some but methadone maintenance is proven to work much better, if at all, in the long term. yeah, so a quick detox cleans your body of the dope... but what about your head... your mind, yah know! its easy to clean out the toxics from your body, but it takes time to clean your head... and for me, and im sure many others, the extra weight isnt lovely or beautiful (as im sure you really are...aha), but its worth it to live life without dope.
next time, so a little more research before critisizes me.
Keep up the good work Robyn... I've past through that not long ago and I support you, I know exactly what you are living. Keep it up!
ROACH: UNDERGROUND PUNKROCK FILMMAKING
thanks for the support. im actually down to 30mg now and should be done by november (or earlier). im so stoked to actually be normal. (for lack of a better word). ive used basically my whole life, and for the first time in as long as i can remember, im actually going out with friends and doing things i never saw myself doing five years ago.
thanks again.
Hey congrads Robyn
months is a really long time for anyone-when you considered you just spent five years wired - hooked up - strung out on the streets and not really caring about your image while you were strung out and wired up to little miss H- I am just glad you are one of the few who really made it through. Far to many don't. They are either dead or still hooked and using. I am just glad you are not for this moment. It really is on some days for this moment. Cause at any moment that little needle or pipe can catch you and then that could be it. As for the wight that will eventually stablize. When you find out within your self what is the really core reasons as to why you can go though a box of chocolates or cookies and ice cream on your own and usually in one sitting. Until you discover this and accept it for what ever its is stay safe- drug free and learn to love your self and life for what ever it is at this monent.
womyn united will never be defeated when acting in solidarity