tips...

Refrain from panhandling in front of post offices. Postal employees are insane and usually heavily armed.

Remember that the 3 most important marketing factors to maximize your panhandling income are: Location! Location! Location!

Stakeout a particular street corner as your home base. People will begin to become familiar with you and start giving as they pass by on their way to work.

Never urinate on your street corner. Go to your competitor's street corner to pee. People will think he did it and not give him a handout. By the time they get to your corner they will feel guilty and give money to you.

Remember that the 3 most important sales factors to maximize your panhandling income are: Intimidate! Intimidate! Intimidate! Remember that a person is more likely to give out of fear than they are out of genuine desire.

Never dress in a three piece suit. People don't give money to people dressed better than them.

Never have a suntan, it shows you went on vacation. Nobody likes to give money to someone who has a better life than them.

Don't drink coffee while panhandling, someone may through coins into your coffee.

Make up a good reason for soliciting money from others. For instance, you need money for your mother's brain transplant is more effective than saying you need the money for a jug of Mad Dog 20/20.

Turn off your cel phone. People won't give to people that can afford a cel phone.

Always thank people for their money. Others will hear how grateful and polite you are and may also give you money.

Also thank people that don't give money. At least before you flick them the bird.

Wash up. People don't like to give money to stinky people. However don't wash up in public.

Never have your dog accompany you while panhandling. People will be under the impression that if you can afford a dog, then you don't need their money. Ignore this tip if blind or pretending to be blind.

If you can play a musical instrument, then play. If you are a former or current stand-up comedian yell out jokes. People like to give money to street performers. Don't do stand-up if your act is insult humor such as Don Rickles. People don't like to be insulted on the street.

To legitimize your pan handling, wear a uniform and ring a bell. Hey! It works for the Salvation Army.

Tucking an arm underneath your shirt to make it look like you only have one arm is an effective method to receive pity and increase your profit potential.

Use makeup to simulate a deformity. This can quadruple your daily earnings.

Never tell people you need the money for drugs. Tell them you need it for food. Then buy drugs with the money. You can always find food in a trash dumpster.

Diversification is important in any business. It is important in panhandling as well. Always be willing to buy beer for underage children if they are willing to throw a few bucks your way. This is especially true if you happen to be panhandling in the same city that one of George W. Bush's daughters live.