you can beat the drug but can you beat the stigma?
so here i am once again with the banshees of memories screaming around my head and i figured 'where better than to release them than here'
a couple of days ago a love of mine happened to look closely at my arms and happened to notice my old rig scars and though they are almost twelve years old and i no longer notice them i forget sometimes other might see them. when i confirmed to her what they were she was appalled with me, and asked me "why didn't you tell me your a junkie" i replied to her "I'm a junkie no longer and that was in a different life in a different world" i was then confronted with a term i have always despised and I'm sure has been said to many of us whom no longer fight with this addiction or in the very least feel it is a chapter in our many books of life which has been completed. so i ask this of the people here who read my blogs. the saying "Once a junkie always a junkie." is this true and if so what are the ramifications of this saying? if an i.v. user has been successful in quitting and beaten the addiction are they still a junkie? if this saying is true how can one stop being a junkie? these questions i pose to you. That's all for now and i wish everyone here the best of luck in their endeavors and strength in their battle whatever they may be. be strong ride hard and take no shit from anyone.
I used crystal meth for seven years after my divorce, then one day I went thru the dark nite of the soul, and I just kind of died inside, except not a death of forever, but a death inside which gave rise to a new beginning, I was asking for that death, and I got what I asked for, now fully healed seven years later, I look back and have gone thru all my relapses, and now know that I am free, and I have respect for the things that go bump in the nite, no I never considered myself a junkie, and no I was just a very very hurt person, and ended up hurting myself, because I felt that everything shitty and fucked up in my life must somehow be my fault, now I am truly different, and I do not allow anyone to sink my ship, and my new friends are here, and we keep each other safe, and if anyone tries to fuck up my life I just tell them to get the fuck out of my way or else there will be consequences, and then they usually get it and back off, and I am not filthy or clean I am just getting used to being comfortable with the feeling of being happy once in a while.....good luck to you, and tell them to keep their cheap prejudices and contrite labels.
I don't agree with "once a junkie always a junkie" for many reasons. i think that people use drugs to escape something in their life; either in the present, or past, or both. Usually they try to escape the past, like abusive parents, then their present becomes so shitty they try to escape that too. No one starts using with the intention to become a kind of slave to a drug. Once using they might have fun for awhile, then they might OD and die, or OD and not die and keep on using, and eventually they hit botton (usually after losing friends etc). In my experience a defining moment comes and people with an addiction choose to not use. If they choose to not use than they can choose to not use every day that they walk this earth. If a person is able to address whatever they were trying to avoid and come to peace with it then they are usually able to get over their addiction(s) and develop better ways to cope with the normal bullshit that everyone deals with.
Anyone who can recover from an opiate addiction and maintain that for over a year has a very good chance of not using opiates again, ever. Calling someone a junkie is a demeaning term that dehumanizes a person and tries to label them some kind of monster, rather than a person who showed a lot of strength to get over there addiction, especially opiates.
Most people have an addiction, be it sex, alcohol, food, shopping, video games etc. Society has just arbitrarily decided that smack should be more stigmatic so they can have a reason to reject someone rather than examining their own faults. A lot of it is fear too.
i think people make up catchy little sayings for things they dont really understand. 'once a junkie always a junkie' to me this means 'dont trust anyone who has used drugs, they are not trustworthy'
i call bullshit.
you have 12 years, 12 fucking years. it doesnt mean you dont keep yourself safe, it doesnt mean you dont know that if you pick up again you are likey to be headed back down that path, but it does mean you deserve some credit, cause 12 years of not picking up has earned you that.
my guess is your love doesnt understand and as a result she made a judgment and pulled out the first thing that came to mind. my hope is that with some education and understanding she will realize her error. we all say stupid shit sometimes. the important part is that you dont buy into it.
for the record, i would like to see the word junkie thrown out all together because to me it is another judgment and another form of stigmatization, and frankly i feel we have enough of those.
congrats on your 12 years, hold your head high.
Hey my friend if you got 12 yrs. in you have a hell ofa lot of people including myself beat. My alcoholism started as a young teen and i am now 55 and the longest i have actually gone without a drink is 3 mons. Now lets talk about drugs especially those nasty injection drugs. For me i was also a teenager when i first got a needle stuck in my vein. I'm 55 and may do some or may not. You see what i'm saying is for some of us it's been a lifelong struggle. Now i have bouts of depression where i want to od and get it all over with. Life just sucks some times and other times it don't. Good days and bad days.
First: Congrats on 12 years. Walk tall and be proud of your accomplishment.
Next: Perhaps you just learned something important about her. If she really holds such prejudices, she's not a good choice for a companion. Think again. There are lots of women out there who are not so prejudiced.
visit my website about poverty, homelessness and addiction at...
http://downbutnotout.synthasite.com/
or my art portfolio site at...
http://ronzigsportfolio.synthasite.com/
Ronzig
Yo ! Thanks for writing about this. it's definitely a good discussion, cause it's a tricky situation. Stigma is a huge issue, and so is addiction. I've seen friends clean up, get a job, an appartment, a relationship etc, and then fall off the wagon, BUT I also know a lot of people who have been on the streets, been addicted, and who are now among the strongest, most creative, amazing people I know.
So first of all CONGRATULATIONS!!!
I don't think you should reject this friend because of her comment. If we were to only befriend those without prejudice, we'd be in contact with a rather limited portion of society, and i don't think that'd be too healthy either. It's one thing to reject someone because of they come up with a tired old prejudice, but I think it's important to do some educatin' before taking such a drastic decision, especially if it's someone we love.
i think that a lot of people brought up an important point, which is to say that dealing with addiction and getting through it takes an incredible amount of strength, and that has a lot of value! Sure, there may be a certain amount of vulnerability associated with past drug use, but every single one of us is vulnerable, and the knowledge of yourself you've gained throughout all this is more than a lot of people can lay claim to.
People who haven't faced the challenge of addiction have no way of knowing this, so yea, we do get the raw end of the deal. But the bottom line is: fear comes from ignorance!
So keep on keepin' on, and thanks for bringin it up!
-a
Power is given only to those who dare to lower themselves and pick it up.